Sleep and fighting feelings of guilt

I’m trying really hard not to feel guilty about sleeping all day. Well “all” day meaning in between feeds/diapers and cooking food. And Aiden awake time.

I shouldn’t feel guilty, I should feel happy as it’s the best I can do for myself right now. I’ve been so tired and I still feel tired, so the daytime sleep obviously wasn’t enough.

I’ve been feeling a bit of the baby blues the last few days. So sleeping is really a priority and the best I can do for me and “plutten”.

It’s weird you end up feeling lazy and guilty about it though.

Yesterday I saw on the morning show on TV an Indian doctor saying that in India when a woman has a baby, family and friends come in and cook and take care of your family and you have maids cleaning and all you have to do is stay in bed and take care of your baby and breastfeed.

And she said in Sweden it’s so much more pressure on mothers.

Anyway I’m glad I’ve had the opportunity to sleep today. And I’m pushing away any other feelings popping up.

Yesterday I aimed too high instead and was going to take a walk into town. I only made it to the bin after getting ready for ages, searching for my keys, realising Aiden’s diaper needed changing all while he was unhappy and screaming. He never stopped screaming and by the time I got to the bins I needed the toilet again and I was shaking from exhaustion and using all my energy to get ready. So we turned back home and eventually we both fell asleep instead.

I haven’t kept up with my exercises or my diet really. Another area where I’m trying not to pressure myself too much, but then you know deep down that eating really well and getting the exercise in, will give you energy. But it’s a balance, and I think I needed not to be stressing about it right now.

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Aiden has started smiling at us. It’s lovely! And he “talks”. And he’s holding his head up and looking around for ages.

Tortoise

The day after Aiden was born Jon called him a tortoise because of the way he was moving his neck. I was reminded of that today when we practise him on his tummy and he looked like this…

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His head has grown so much that his hair isn’t covering all of it anymore. Receding hairline att five weeks…

It’s not just the tortoise working out, so did I yesterday. The warmup felt like the workout… I’m so out of shape! But I tried. Today my pelvic floor is hurting and my “abs”. Hope it’s not a sign that I started too early… It is exercises aimed at women recovering from child birth.

All that’s my update. I will proceed to sleep for an hour or two until “the hungry” wakes up. See you laters!

Waking up at night does not a baby with sleeping problem make

Aiden daytime sleeping

I read in a book we got from the babycenter that it’s only parents that expect their babies to sleep all night that seems to think their baby has a sleep problem. I.e. babies are supposed to wake up at night. Aiden included. The night before last he was up most of the night and he was really upset and making a fuss about everything. He was fighting the feeding even though that’s exactly what he wants and he did not want to sleep anywhere else than in your arms. Which causes a problem as it’s hard for parents to get sleep with a baby in their arms.

Last night though he was a bit more relaxed, probably because he got some good sleep in and wasn’t so super tired. He did wake up every 2 hours for a feed, but at least he fed without fuss and he did go back to sleep. Only once in his cot, the rest of the night he spent between me and Jon. Which is fine he’s only 3 weeks. I’m just pleased he sleeps without having to be in your arms because that’s not a winning concept.

Babies don’t stabilize their sleep until 3-4 months apparently. So we better just get used to it. I’ve got a book to read during night time feeds (though sometimes I’m too tired), there’s nighttime TV as well. So it’s just a matter of getting with the program and accept our new reality as parents.

This morning auntie Abbey left to go back to Mallorca, yesterday grandma left to go back to England. So all our visitors have left for now. And it’s back to just the 3 of us.

I’m making use of the time this morning when Aiden fell asleep and looks so peaceful, to blog a bit and get some other “household admin tasks” done. Tomorrow I’m going on a post-pregnancy diet. More about that later…

Aiden daytime sleeping

The chase for some sleep

A new week to begin. I have To-do list for today, but waking up this morning I felt like I could sleep all day. Our visitors are on a day trip to Stockholm so I could if I wanted to. Except the little one had different ideas. Sleep? Jon and I took turns trying to sleep. Although I should have probably got more of the sleep as I’ve been up most of the night as well.

We’re all dressed and ready to go for a walk now anyway, just finishing feeding and this multitasking blogging and then we’re off.

Hopefully he’ll sleep when we come back and we can do the mould of his hands and feet. And then maybe bath him for the first time as his navel thing fell off yesterday.

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“I knew it – he’s perfect!”

Gosh I’m so proud of my little plutt. We went to the baby centre on Thursday and he’s doing so well. We both got commendation for the breastfeeding, the receipt that is working really well is his big weight gain. Although at the moment he’s making a lot of fuss when latching on and fighting against it even though that’s exactly what he wants and needs. Apparently it’s common and I read about it and it can go on until month two. But you can’t help but wonder if other things have interfered and made him forget how to latch on, like using our finger as we haven’t started with a dummy. Our maybe he’s getting too many new impressions. But the nurse did confirm as well that it is a common thing they go through.

My dad has been saying that Aiden is really strong and the nurse said the same thing. And that he’s very alert, following with his eyes and listening so carefully. She went as far as saying he’s ahead of his age. I had no idea what a relief it would be to hear how well he’s doing and the positive words from the nurse. “I knew it! He’s perfect!” I said with a smile.

A week ago my sister took some time to photograph Aiden. I’m so excited to see the results. She’s sent me a few on What’s app the other night. But I’ll wait to post them until I’ve got the real images. But here’s some behind the scenes;

Aiden-photoshoot-002 Aiden-photoshoot-003 Aiden-photoshoot-005

A week ago – 00:34

Birth of Aiden
Birth of Aiden

It was exactly a week ago that Aiden was thrown onto my tummy by the midwife. I took my clothes off so he could lie skin to skin on my chest and all I could see was his skull and all his hair. He started screaming (well not very loud, but making noises) pretty quickly. Jon had to walk around to the other side to see him and take a photo. He was definitely an Aiden.

I was really shocked by all the emotions that comes with this experience. Nothing anyone has ever told me has been close to explaining how it would feel to have your baby here with you. Jon, Aiden and me have had an awesome week and we look forward to days, weeks and years to come.

Aiden - meaning "Little fire"
Aiden – meaning “Little fire”
Jon and Aiden bonding
Jon and Aiden bonding

40 +1

He’s overdue. I’m not particularly pleased about it. But at least;

  1. He seems healthy and well in there, judging from the movements
  2. I can sleep even though I have some pre labour pains and am frustrated and irritated. So besides my mood I’m not really suffering too much…

Jon and I just went for a walk now. Long, slow walk. It gave me a very unattractive tanline he he… Thanks.

A new day, new chances, I’m positive. Although the moodiness the last week is a sign of hormones doing its thing anyway. So I’m not feeling too bad about being a grumpy pregnant lady.

Walking helps, but I can’t walk forever in this heath
Last evening we went to Svrdsklova where mum and dad has their campervan at the moment.
Last evening we went to Svärdsklova where mum and dad have their campervan at the moment.

 

Pre labour updates

Today I have been irritated and frustrated. I’ve also done a lot of cleaning. All good signs of pre labour. But no pains today. Had the most painful afternoon/evening last night, so was almost sure that would be the night. But no.

Even managed to sleep and have been sleeping this afternoon as well, which I guess is a good investment anyway. When labour does start, sleeping won’t be possible.

It just feels frustrating and as it’s not doing anything because it later stops. But read someone’s birth story when I woke and feel a lot more hopeful as her story was very similar to mine so far. Contractions stopping and starting over a few days. As the doctor told me on Monday; “this will end with a baby being born”.

Guess I’m doing the right thing with all the resting and nesting. Soon I won’t be able to. I’ve never been very patient so all this waiting is annoying. All questions about how things are going are really annoying as well, mostly because I so want things to happen now and almost feel disappointed so having to explain “No nothing is happening right now”, even though logically I realise that things are moving along as they should. It takes time.

Week 39

I don’t know what’s going on, but he is so active today. It’s like a washing machine. He just won’t stop moving for a second. It’s great, if yet a little weird sometimes. I guess he wants to come out as well.

I’m thinking of everything as a sign now. But still nothing real is happening.