Ah man, I’m so tired. Aiden’s been hard to get to sleep after night time feeding. He just won’t relax, he just lies and kicks and waves his arms. He’s still not great with the dummy and keeps dropping it. Last night we ended up sleeping on the sofa as that was the only place he could sleep. And didn’t want to disturb Jon as he’s got an interview today. I will need a snooze at some point today.
We’re in the car on our way to Västerås for Jon’s interview. Could sleep in the car like Aiden is doing, but I can’t really.
Yesterday we sorted the car out so it can pass the MOT. Cars … You have to throw so much money at them.
Made some red thai curry with the curry paste I had in the freezer. I’ve been wanting to make “Zucchini pasta” for a while so tried frying them and had with the curry. It sort of just joined up with the rest of the veggies in the curry, but I will try it again in a different context soon. Being on a diet that restricts you from most things that you usually have with a dish, makes you think outside of the box as it were.
Oh no, I think I’m doing what I didn’t want to do. Putting too much pressure on myself during this time I really should a) enjoy and b) give Aiden as a good start.
My personality is not really a passive one. Whether I like it or not I’m performance centered. I can’t just sit down and enjoy the silence, the moment. My mind always travels to what needs doing and I start working. Whether it’s stuff around the house, stuff on the computer, letters to be written or phone calls to be rung.
It’s only been four weeks and I’m already thinking work, future living and physical challenges. It’s like I can’t help it. I’m building to-do lists and getting in a bad mood when they’re not getting ticked off. That the hours of the day aren’t enough.
They shouldn’t be either, enough I mean, if you have a 4 week old baby. And you shouldn’t stress about it. I should be happy to get up and shower and feed myself and Aiden.
But problem is, I don’t feel happy about it. I don’t want to leave the house for a walk or drive, as I feel that’s all we can do then and I’d rather work on my to-do list. But I do force myself out. Because I think I should drop all have-to’s. I’m on maternity leave. I might not have got any money to live on yet, and I might read or hear about women going back really quickly to work, especially self-employed ones. But it’s my maternity leave and I can’t let it go to waste by living in the future rather than the present.
Besides reality will hit us soon. Jon has an interview on Wednesday, well it’s more of a chat with his old employer in the UK about a position here in Sweden. And today he received a letter saying he got a spot at a class learning Swedish later in September. So we really should enjoy this time together.
Today is our “cheat day”. I’ve said I’m not following any specific diet but rather taken what I know from a few different diets, things that are recurring and seems to make sense to me. I’ve also mentioned that what I eat and don’t eat is, if described as anything, a mix of Timothy Ferriss’ slow carb diet and the Paleo diet. Timothy Ferriss diet has a cheat day and it’s not just a mental exercise ie that we need a day off to be able to stick with the strict diet. But listen to what he has to say in his book The four hour Body;
Interesting huh? So we’re doing that. Although it does feel a bit wrong actually. Especially as we’ve both lost weight this week. But hopefully the reasoning above is correct and it won’t interfere with our weight loss goal. (I say “we” because Jon is joining me, which is great. Hard to do if the other is eating normally.)
Last night went really well after all. He only woke me up every the hours and was easy to put to sleep. I even got up earlier than usual this morning. Usually I let Jon take him and I snooze until the next feed.
We spent the afternoon today with Pernilla and Iris. Sebbe is away this weekend working on his band’s album.
And I got Pernillas pictures from the photo shoot of Aiden! Haven’t even gone through them all yet, but the ones I’ve seen are so cute. Can’t wait to share!
Well look at that – I’m up for the first feed and I’m really awake. Must be that breastfeeding hormone that helps with your sleep. Aiden is fed and had his diaper changed and is falling asleep in my arms as we speak.
Have I told you about the pacifier? We introduced it the other day after speaking to the nurse and she did not think it would interfere with breastfeeding (they say it can cause it’s a different way of sucking and it can make baby confused). But she said we could “start practising”. And practising it is, Aiden just don’t get it at all. He gets the boob, he gets the finger, but he just keeps dropping the dummy! Any suggestions?
I’m panicking now, Aiden’s sleeping on the sofa and he has been for hours. I didn’t expect him to get his long sleep in now as I was planning on sleeping when he did. I’ve been busy cleaning and doing our laundry all day, so didn’t get any daytime sleep in. Haven’t for a few days but felt I needed it today particularly.
Aiden’s feeding every two hours at the moment (except when he gets this long sleep in). During the night means I wake up every two hours. After feeding and trying to get him to sleep again I get a few minutes of sleep in before I have to feed again.
I know it’s a temporary situation and he’ll probably balance it out soon, but as it is now I do need to sleep a bit more during the day when Jon’s up. But I’ve been tiring myself out even more instead… Hence I’m worried for tonight. Hope he’ll fall asleep quickly at least after feeding.
It’s really hard to go to sleep when he sleeps during the day though. I just want to get things done. That’s also a problem. My problem.
Aiden is four weeks today by the way. Four weeks he’s been with us. Jon was going in for a group hug today when I was holding Aiden, but Aiden turned to him and just screamed, as if to warn him not to come closer. It looked so funny.
I know, I know – You’re all wondering how my/our diet is going, right?!! Haha. Well even if you’re not here it goes. It’s going pretty well. Yesterday we made Guinness stew, which all fits into “my rules” except the Guinness, but I decided it was OK anyway. With it we had Sweet Potato. And I had a low alcohol Guinness (it’s great for breast milk production & it’s suppose to help with baby’s tummy as well).
As I mentioned yesterday – I’ve started a “diet” today. By that I mean that I’m making a conscious effort to eat healthier and lose weight. I’m not jumping on any fad diets, but rather concocting my own one based on knowledge I have from reading books about food & nutrition. But to give some indication of the main points of it is that I eat more protein, no white carbs – rather slow carbs, no dairy and no sugar. I’m using some Paleo recipes I have and making some stuff up as I go along.
I’m being quite strict about the diet starting off as I need a good start, but the goal is to change my habits altogether so it will need some compromise eventually. But first I need to see some changes. Also of course, I’m hoping the improved diet will have a positive on Aiden through the breastfeeding.
Weight wise I ended up over 90 kilos a few weeks before giving birth. Now I’m down to 76 kg. So I need to lose another ~10 kg to be happy. If kg tell anyone anything. It’s really about cm and clothes isn’t it?
So why am I sharing this? Well, studies show that there’s few keys to succeeding with a change of habit/diet. Changing your diet is one of the most difficult things you can do. But it has been shown that sharing your challenge works as a motivator. And also keeping records of your progress. So this is what I will do, that I hope will help me succeed:
Blog about my “get fit” project
Take photos of food I eat as this has been proven to make you more aware of what you eat
Take photos of myself (before/after)
Weigh myself (this is not a good measurement by itself though as there are many factors to your daily weight)
I will also start exercising eventually, but I’m still recovering from giving birth so at the moment I find even walks hard to do. I do them though but how exciting to report back on is that? As I start with some exercise I’m sure I will share some of that as well. Anyway, blogging about it is a way to keep me motivated and on track, so hope you don’t mind me sharing this part of my life as well.
Monday food schedule:
Paleo pancakes with cashew nut butter, served with raspberries, blueberries and maple syrup
Chicken fajita salad
Eggs with broccoli, carrots, ham and mushrooms
Meatballs with cauliflower & broccoli, cream sauce (with coconut milk instead of cream) and lingon berry jam and beetroot.