Sleep and fighting feelings of guilt

I’m trying really hard not to feel guilty about sleeping all day. Well “all” day meaning in between feeds/diapers and cooking food. And Aiden awake time.

I shouldn’t feel guilty, I should feel happy as it’s the best I can do for myself right now. I’ve been so tired and I still feel tired, so the daytime sleep obviously wasn’t enough.

I’ve been feeling a bit of the baby blues the last few days. So sleeping is really a priority and the best I can do for me and “plutten”.

It’s weird you end up feeling lazy and guilty about it though.

Yesterday I saw on the morning show on TV an Indian doctor saying that in India when a woman has a baby, family and friends come in and cook and take care of your family and you have maids cleaning and all you have to do is stay in bed and take care of your baby and breastfeed.

And she said in Sweden it’s so much more pressure on mothers.

Anyway I’m glad I’ve had the opportunity to sleep today. And I’m pushing away any other feelings popping up.

Yesterday I aimed too high instead and was going to take a walk into town. I only made it to the bin after getting ready for ages, searching for my keys, realising Aiden’s diaper needed changing all while he was unhappy and screaming. He never stopped screaming and by the time I got to the bins I needed the toilet again and I was shaking from exhaustion and using all my energy to get ready. So we turned back home and eventually we both fell asleep instead.

I haven’t kept up with my exercises or my diet really. Another area where I’m trying not to pressure myself too much, but then you know deep down that eating really well and getting the exercise in, will give you energy. But it’s a balance, and I think I needed not to be stressing about it right now.

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Aiden has started smiling at us. It’s lovely! And he “talks”. And he’s holding his head up and looking around for ages.

Mommy and baby quality alone time

Aiden

Today me and “plutten” are going to be alone all morning as Jon is starting his Swedish course. I sure we’ll do really well, but it’s still a big change. As Aiden is mostly awake during the mornings I will spend most of the time with him, bonding and playing. Going for walks maybe as well. Mommy and baby quality time!
I have to resist the urge to run around doing house chores. I don’t need to multitask of be super efficient all the time. I need to focus my attention. That’s what I need to do.


It will be cool seeing how Jon will do at the course. I think he’ll pick up Swedish really fast. He’s just a fast learner, but then he also has afrikaans from before which will probably help him a lot.

Pacify pose & involuntary cuddles

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After a day of screaming, he relaxed like this. Every other position made him scream again. He just wanted to sit like this. He’s the boss right now. Screams through a feed, drops off to scream a little and then angrily latches on again. Can’t help but laugh a little coz he’s so ridiculous in his determination. And he’s so pissed off if I, for example, talk. Or drink. Or move a little to check my phone/tablet. Or look at him. Or don’t look at him. So yeah, basically it’s impossible to keep him happy. So I just let him do his thing, try keep him calm enough to get the food he needs.

I love seeing all his progress. Every day is different. I know the above paragraph makes it sounds like it’s a pain at the moment. But it’s not too bad to deal with. Eventually we can calm him down. He sleeps, he eats and he poos. All he should. It’s just something else he’s going through as well at the moment. But it’s all part of it.

He was “talking” to Jon tonight. Cute. I remember when A was in the womb and Jon expressed he wanted a cuddlely baby. Judging from this photo his wish came true!
PS! It looks as if we have A’s head in the pillow, that wasn’t the case… He can breathe.

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My habit of recommending Kindle books…

I’m reading this book my sister in-law recommended. It’s right up my street and very interesting. Book is called The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do, and How to Change (Adlink)

Like this for example:

“When people start habitually exercising, even as infrequently as once a week, they start changing other, unrelated patterns in their lives, often unknowingly. Typically, people who exercise start eating better and becoming more productive at work. They smoke less and show more patience with colleagues and family. They use their credit cards less frequently and say they feel less stressed. Its not completely clear why. But for many people, exercise is a keystone habit that triggers widespread change. Exercise spills over, said James Prochaska, a University of Rhode Island researcher. Theres something about it that makes other good habits easier.

Studies have documented that families who habitually eat dinner together seem to raise children with better homework skills, higher grades, greater emotional control, and more confidence. Making your bed every morning is correlated with better productivity, a greater sense of well-being, and stronger skills at sticking with a budget. Its not that a family meal or a tidy bed causes better grades or less frivolous spending. But somehow those initial shifts start chain reactions that help other good habits take hold.”

 

Duhigg, Charles (2012-04-05). The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do, and How to Change (Kindle Locations 1788-1797). Random House. Kindle Edition.

I was especially pleased to read this as I managed to do my exercises today, strength exercises. Well not all of them as Aiden demanded my boobs halfway through the last repetition. But almost. And we went for a walk as well today. Well done family Waddell! Habits changing, I can feel it.

Now I just need to start making the bed every morning…

Coffee by the liter & grumpy little man

I was thinking the other day that I never set my alarm anymore. Sometimes that is spoken about like the dream scenario… Like paradise, you know, the perfect stress free life – living life without an alarm. Then I realised I do have an alarm. It goes off every 2 hours and there’s no snooze button. It doesn’t just go off in the mornings, it goes off 24/7, every 1-2 hours or the longest 3 hours. That’s when the little man lets me know he has to eat now!

Seeing this written down and thinking about the fact that a proper sleep-in is so far away from me at this stage in life is a bit freaky. To know I won’t sleep a full nights sleep for a very long time is kind of depressing. Especially since I love sleep-ins.

Somehow, in reality, it’s not that bad. Sure, sometimes I fall asleep at 4am with my head hanging over Aiden’s breastfeeding face and then wake up and see him staring at me with a frowny face. And yes, I do drink coffee by the liter nowadays. And I’ve realised the Swedish expression to be so tired you’re cross-eyed is not just an expression. But besides that, I think these hormones you get when breastfeeding that is supposed to make your sleep more efficiently must be doing the trick, because without it I would be dead by now. Or maybe it’s just that this little man is making it all worthwhile. Gah, such a cliché.

Jon was taking some photos while I was powernapping yesterday.
Jon was taking some photos while I was power napping yesterday.

 

Horseradish

This is the second time I do this, I’ve bought horseradish (a root). I desperately want to cook something with it but don’t know what. At the moment I’m thinking salmon. So make some sauce out of it. Don’t want to let it go to waste… Again.

As soon as I see horseradish in the store, I get this urge to buy it. Even though I’m not sure what to make.

Tortoise

The day after Aiden was born Jon called him a tortoise because of the way he was moving his neck. I was reminded of that today when we practise him on his tummy and he looked like this…

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His head has grown so much that his hair isn’t covering all of it anymore. Receding hairline att five weeks…

It’s not just the tortoise working out, so did I yesterday. The warmup felt like the workout… I’m so out of shape! But I tried. Today my pelvic floor is hurting and my “abs”. Hope it’s not a sign that I started too early… It is exercises aimed at women recovering from child birth.

All that’s my update. I will proceed to sleep for an hour or two until “the hungry” wakes up. See you laters!

Another day passed, where did it go?

It’s really hard to get anything done with a baby. As most of you will know. The days just go by, Aiden’s five weeks already. The days are just made up by basic stuff and once in a while you get something else in. Yesterday we went to Västerås for the day. Jon met up with his old UK boss about potentially working for them in the future. Me and Aiden took a walk around town and bought two nursing tops and some hair dye (when will I have the time to do that tho?). On the way home we went pass Ikea for some lunch and looked around. For the first time in my life we left Ikea without buying ANYTHING (except lunch in the restaurant)!

Our diet is not going as good this week as last, as we cheated a bit yesterday and today. But the key is not to give up though and we’re being balanced about it. Need to weigh myself and measure to see how things are going as well. I have made my workout schedule as well, but haven’t got started yet as yesterday and today was too busy. Today was only a walk on the schedule and even if I didn’t get that in I was running around a lot today anyway.

My workout schedule is based on Olga Rönnberg‘s schedule from her book. It’s meant for women recovering from childbirth. I’m really looking forward to getting started!

Aiden in his pram
Aiden in his pram in Vsters
I was practising with Aiden on his tummy today. On the lovely blanket <a href="http://littlemissonebar.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">my cousin Hanna</a> gave him!
I was practising with Aiden on his tummy today. On the lovely blanket my cousin Hanna gave him!
Jon & Aiden
Jon & Aiden
Aiden & Jon
Aiden & Jon
Mys with the pys
Mys with the pys. Dummy guarding…