No reason to beat around the bush, not having a 2nd income and just having moved and been on a 3 week holiday to SA (even if the beers r ridiculously cheap) is not leaving us in a very favorable financial situation. My plan was to start temping as soon as we moved in here and on the side start-up my freelance business. But to be honest – I can’t find the time. As I told Jon, I am working – hard, I’m just not bringing in money at the moment. Frustrating. But I am sure that will change.
Besides all my studying and planning my business, there is all the household chores I’m expected to do. I won’t complain overly tho, our place now is much smaller (helps the cleaning), we have a dishwasher as well. So it’s not overwhelming by itself. But it is something that takes of my time. Every evening the last few weeks I have sat in front of the computer, programming, designing, researching. I don’t mind, but I just want to emphasize the fact that I am working. Even if it’s not a 8-5 job. And the money thing will take care of itself soon. I’m sure. I hope…
I haven’t been feeling alright the last couple of days. I think I know why and it annoys me that it is so difficult to change patterns and old behaviors. It’s made me feel low and not as enthusiastic as I’ve been about everything that I’ve got going on at the moment. About starting my company and about working out and about eating healthy and having a good routine. I’ve been feeling anxious and paranoid and felt unliked and like everything is a big fail.
I went to body pump last night which really helps, but today after waking up at 10ish, I still felt super-tired. Like an abnormal tiredness. I’ve had a headache as well today & yesterday. I felt dizzy and decided to go to bed again for a bit. I’m not a 100 percent sure but I think it might all be connected. I think it’s anxiety.
I receive these emails from a life coach that we had come to a work conference a few years ago in Sweden – Anders Haglund. He’s extremely inspiring to listen to and I still remember that half a day we shared with him. But I must admit I read his weekly letters way to rarely. Because of how I felt today though I decided to go for it. Glad I did. He discussed the balance between knowledge and ignorance. We take it as a fact that knowledge is power, and it is to a certain degree. But Anders also pointed out how limited we are as humans in our way of perceiving things. We’re for example limited in the range of light and sound we can see/hear. So we can conclude that we are limited in the knowledge we can have.
For people like myself, that put our expectations of ourselves very high it is important to remind us of the fact that we can’t live up to everything we set in front of us all the time. We aren’t always going to reach our goals. And it’s important to remember not to set our goals too high all the time, because disappointment can tend to set you back.
That’s what happened to me. Small things that other people might not even notice if it happened to them, can set me back in all areas. It’s a very unbalanced quality. And yet, maybe it’s good that it happens once in a while, to remind me never to stop working on myself and how I view myself. Gosh it’s hard work though!
So, instead of everything I had on my to-do-list today I have narrowed it down to 3 things. If those 3 things gets checked off I’ll be happy. Btw, updating my blog was not one of them ;)
I feel like I’ve been out partying all night. Which is hardly the case. But I am soooo tired and worn. From a Band of Horses concert! Haha
It was really good though, very impressed by Band of Horses. And it was just magic to finally see Mojave 3.
I did have a bit of a fight getting in to Brixton Academy. For you who know me, you know that I can be a bit argumentative at times. Anyway. My camera was denied entry. I was sooo stupid going through coz the lady asked me if I could take off the lens of the camera. She was obviously trying to determine whether it was an OK camera to allow in or not, but I thought she was trying to figure out if I was smuggling in drugs or something (my logic…) Anyway, when I realized what was going on I said I’d read the fine print and nowhere was I told I couldn’t bring my camera in to the venue, coz then I wouldn’t have brought it along. I don’t want to leave my camera in there, where I leave it on my own risk. Had some words with the supervisor who tried to undermine me bouncer-style by calling me “young lady”. My response: “I’m not as young as you think” (again, my logic at its most brilliant) Gaah…
As you all might guess, I had to leave the camera and it all annoyed me during the evening. I was talking to Jon about it. I mean, 10 years ago I wouldn’t have thought of bringing a camera to a venue like that. But I cannot see what harm it would do if I take a few good/decent photos. This day and age, bands should be happy if I want to freely promote them with awesome pics on my blog, fb or whatever. Copyright my a**.
Wow I found this old blog of mine that I used to write back in 2008 (when I met Jon and moved to London and all that) I read through it and had so much fun. This is why I’m blogging. It’s so awesome reading through, remembering. And there are so many classic quotes. Anyway it inspired me even more to keep blogging!
This is the link for you who know swedish or google translate: http://frokenrekordelig.blogspot.com/
But I can’t keep living in the past.
Tonight we’re going to London to watch Mojave 3, like the best band a few years ago… Hope they play the old Slowdive Dagger song, heard they sometimes do that. But their just the supporting act. Band of horses is the big event. Which I look forward to as well.